Whether you’re a straight-up extrovert who craves and is energized by people and good conversation or a confirmed introvert who shakes in your boots at the thought of entering a room full of strangers, here are a few tips that might help you understand and honor your uniqueness as a networker.

• Know your social / networking preferences and style. Are you an introvert, extrovert, or omnivert (a little of both, like me)?  This awareness is important and will help you understand how you could react in various social settings.  It will also explain why you feel a certain way when you are with (or away from ) certain people or situations.  Taking The Myers-Briggs(R) is a great place to start.  Check out this article as well.
• Honor your connecting style, the setting, and your intentions. Some people love to work the room and have shorter conversations. Others prefer engaging in deeper exchanges with fewer people. Neither is right or wrong. It just is. I suggest finding a balance and adapting, depending on the setting, your intentions, and your goals for any gathering you attend.
• Realize your connecting style can vary from day to day, situation to situation.  I have days where I enjoy meeting new people and hearing all about them. Other days, I just want the comfort of familiar faces. Or I prefer to stay home and get some projects done. It’s okay. As  a good friend told me recently, “Ride the wave.”
• Switch it up. If you’re an extrovert, make an effort to talk less, listen more.  Be fascinated, not fascinating. I guarantee you will be remembered and loved for this. In contrast, if you’re an introvert, go out on a limb, be courageous, and prepare some conversation-starters.  Then seek out someone who is off by themselves, looking a little lonely. You will be their hero. I did this recently and ended up in a fascinating conversatino with a very cool guy who regularly styles Sandra Bullock’s hair! Who knew? (Yes, he says, Sandra is as nice as they say.)
• Pay attention to and honor others’ connection and communication styles.  A woman I met at a conference is a full-on introvert. She gets overwhelmed easily in social settings.  You can see it in her eyes if you are paying attention. Knowing this, I am mindful to engage in a few words of conversation with her, then let her be.  Initially I thought she just wasn’t very friendly. Now I know better.  As for extroverts, sometimes I like to hang with them because they like to introduce me to people or it’s fun to listen to them. Takes the pressure off me. Other times they are just too much. But, again, knowing helps with understanding.
• Take note of your energy levels after an encounter, event or meeting.   Ever left a conversation or meeting just totally exhausted? Or so inspired and energized you couldn’t wait to get back to your desk to implement something you learned?  These observations will tell you a lot about yourself and the types of situations and people that are most suited for you.
• Pretty sure you’re an introvert? Don’t let yourself think you are less worthy in the networking world. You’re not. Check out this article from Forbes and you’ll see why.

What are you thoughts about introverts versus extroverts in networking? What are you? How does your style impact your personal and business socialization?

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Have you read The Intentional Networker? I’m on a quest to have 30 reviews on Amazon by June 1. Can you help? Simply go to my book review page on Amazon, sign in and write a few lines on what you thought of the book, how it has helped or changed how you view networking. I’d appreciate it!

Shortly after I released that post my wise and ever-observant friend Jeanne Guy made a thought-provoking comment:

“I’m thinking about this in terms of our personal relationships.”

Whoa! Her remark put an even more intriguing twist on things. I thought about Jeanne’s comment off and on all day yesterday and as I was out walking the dog this morning.

How can we be truly intentional, thoughtful, gracious, and kind in our business relationships if we are doing a miserable job of relating to those closest and dearest to us? If we are distant, unkind, disrespectful, random, neglectful or in any way careless with how we treat or communicate with friends and family, how can we possibly be brilliant connectors and communicators with strangers and business associates?  How can we attract what we want when we are dishing out to our loved ones what we don’t? Yet it so often happens.

I’m guilty of it and, if you are human, so are you.

How can we work towards becoming more intentional, personable, kind, cordial and “attractive” when it comes to our personal relationships? When we’ve mastered this, then we are ready to do the same in our professional worlds.
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Feeling overwhelmed because you have so many people in your life? Are you driving yourself crazy trying to stay in touch and be all things to all people? Could it be that focusing on a smaller, more intentional circle could improve how you connect, stay connected, and attract the business and opportunities you truly want?

If you have a copy of The Intentional Networker go back and read Chapter 4.  And it wouldn’t hurt to read (or re-read) Chapter 5, too.

If you want to order the book, you can buy it through Amazon and other major online book retailers, both in print and in all major digital formats.

If you want a FREE copy of the chapter, simply go to my website and sign up to request it.

If you have problems with the download email me at patti[at]IntentionalNetworker[dot]com.

Know someone who could benefit from this blog or my book?  Pass this post along to them!

During the interview, Jim mentions that he likes to shake things up when he presents. You know, to get his audiences really thinking.  So he often asks thought-provoking questions. Here’s one: “How are you punishing people for doing business with you?”

What??

Even Walter, the interviewer, did a double take. What’s more, he kept circling back around to the question to make sure he had heard it right: How are you punishing people for doing business with you?

Mathis explained that people and businesses that really care won’t find this question odd or crazy at all. They’ll understand its irony and take the time to think about it carefully.

How are we making it anything but easy and pleasant for our customers (and prospects) to get information, get in touch with us, communicate with us, get their questions answered, place an order, get what they need quickly, solve issues, and so on?

As I listened I began thinking about this question in terms of networking, connecting, and building business relationships: How are we punishing people for networking and building relationships with us? What are we doing that makes others feel uncomfortable, confused, frustrated, disrespected, alienated, offended and sorry they met us or know us?

I noodled on this for a bit and composed a list of 27  things that have made me feel uncomfortable when networking — and that I know I may have been guilty of and could change or improve on.  Maybe some of these will resonate with you.

1. Do I make it easy for people to approach me and talk to me? Or do I give off a vibe that’s unfriendly, standoffish, or disinterested?
2. Do I fully understand that networking is about connecting, being generous, and building long-term relationships, NOT going for the quick sell?
3. Do I remember that networking isn’t about me, but about others?
4. Do I present and conduct myself professionally – in my appearance, grooming, demeanor, words, and behavior – so others get the impression I’m serious about my work, building relationships, and serving my customers impeccably?
5. Do I always carry (and generously utilize) those exquisite little miracles known as breath mints?
6. When attending networking events do I mingle, reach out, and introduce myself to others? Or do I bolt for my seat or cower in the corner, feeling sorry for myself?
7. When introducing myself do I say my name clearly, slowly, and confidently?
8. In case my name is tricky to pronounce or remember, do I cheerfully offer tips that will make it easier for others say, learn, and remember?
9. Am I patient when people don’t remember me or my name? Or do I get offended or defensive?
10. Am I kind, polite, and gracious to everyone?
11. Do I show up with a smile and a great attitude? Or am I known as an Energy-Sucking Black Hole of the Universe?
12. Am I following good business protocol and etiquette, not to be stuck up or superior, but so others feel comfortable in my presence?
13. Do I know how to explain to others who I am, what I do, and who I serve?
14. Can I do #13 in a way that doesn’t take an hour and leave others feeling bored, trapped, exhausted, or flummoxed?
15. Do I act needy or cling to those I already know like a life preserver? Or do I reach out and engage in conversation with people I don’t know, thus opening up to possibilities?
16. Do I go to events prepared with a few conversation-starters in mind?
17. Do I uphold my end of the conversation, thus avoiding awkward and uncomfortable silences?
18. Am I a courteous and attentive listener?
19. Do I know when it’s time to move on from a conversation and excuse myself graciously?
20. Do I set intentions and goals before events and meetings so I’m clear about how I can help make it a positive and valuable experience?
21. Do I promise to be interested, not just interesting?
22. Do I have clean, up-to-date business cards with me (always) so I have an efficient way to share my contact information?
23. Do I remember to offer friendly and gracious (never salesly or pushy) follow-up notes or emails?
24. Do I use social media authentically, respectfully, and courteously?
25. Do I promise (cross my heart and hope to die) not to add people to my email or blog lists unless they have knowingly and willingly opted-in?
26. Do I promise (with an equal amount of sincerity) not to trick people into having coffee or lunch with me so I can put an unexpected and equally unwelcomed sales pitch on them?
27. If I say I will do something for someone, do I keep my word and actually do it?

What else would you add to this list?  What do others do in networking situations that is a turnoff and feels like “punishment” to you? As you reflect on how you network, what could you improve on? What best practices and habits can we adopt as networking protocol and best practices to make the world a kinder, friendlier and more respectful place to connect and do business?

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Ready to become more purposeful, polished and productive in your networking? The Intentional Networker: Attracting Powerful Relationships, Referrals & Results in Business is a “content-rich must-have for your business-building library“ according to business etiquette and protocol expert Jan Goss.  For less than the cost of most networking meetings you can gain access to hundreds of secrets, tips, and ideas that will prevent you from punishing the people with whom you are trying to network (and maybe even prevent them from punishing you).    The book is available, both in print and in digital form, from all major online retailers, including Amazon, Barnes & Noble, Powell’s, iTunes and others.  For bulk discounts for your employees or members, please email me at patti[at]intentionalnetworker[dot]com.

Over the years I’ve served on committees and boards for a number of organizations. As a student, I did it because my parents, professors, and mentors advised me to. (“It will look good on your resume.”)  Then I had friends and colleagues who talked me into it. (“Come on. It will be fun.”)  Finally, I did it because I felt called to do it.

Three of my favorite roles have been Special Events Chair, Membership Chair, and Programs Chair.  But there are many roles that need to be filled to keep groups going.  This coming summer I’m stretching and taking on a role I’ve never even considered before. I’m a little anxious, but I know it will be a wonderful experience and I’m determined to do it.

Regardless of the urging, reasoning, or even the role or experience itself, I was always glad I served. And I’ll continue to do so. What’s more, upon reflection I have always received benefits far greater than the time and energy I put into the job. Here are just a few of those benefits that I enjoyed.  Perhaps you can experience them, too.

1. I served with and got to know some really smart, purposeful, generous, caring, successful, and sometimes even famous people.
2. I was able to demonstrate my work ethic, creativity, and abilities to others.
3. I learned a lot about my strengths, weaknesses, and (most importantly) blind spots.
4. I learned how to plan, organize and manage in ways beyond the jobs I’ve held and businesses I’ve run.
5. I learned things that have helped me run my own business (and life) better.
6. I learned how to manage my time better.
7. Since I’m a solopreneur, I have been reminded of how to work within part of a larger team.
8. I learned that there will be mistakes, hiccups, miscommunications, disasters, and problems. But you get through them.
9. I also learned the thrill of a job well done.
10. I was inspired to write and got a lot of material to write my book The Intentional Networker.
11. I have had fun. A lot of fun.
12. And, yes, I have attracted new clients and opportunities via all these connections and experiences.

If you’ve never volunteered your time, talents or resources to an organization, I highly recommended you try it. And if you’ve done so, don’t stop. (Sure, you may want to take a break now and then or change up the group you serve or the role you take on.)  Think of all you learn, the exposure you get, the people you meet, and the satisfaction you receive from doing it.  It’s in giving that we receive — andhow we become more successful and Intentional Networkers(tm).
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Do you belong to or have a leadership role in a professional organization?  Let me know if your group would be interested in having me come speak about Intentional Networking. For details please visit my Speaking page.

Networking 101 for Introverts: A no-excuses guide to making connections
By Beth Braccio Hering

Have you ever sat alone drinking punch at a conference while a colleague seemed to effortlessly work the room? While some people may be inherently more social, don’t sell yourself short by believing that an introverted nature automatically makes you a lousy networker.

“Many people think extroverts rule the networking world. This isn’t necessarily true,” says Patti DeNucci, author of The Intentional Networker: Attracting Powerful Relationships, Referrals & Results in Business. “Introverts can be great networkers because they are often good listeners and choose their words carefully.”

Ready to up your game? Try these tips:

Consider your timing. If entering a room that’s already buzzing leaves you weak-kneed, go early and converse with people as they arrive. If you must enter a crowd, approach someone standing off by himself. “Smile and introduce yourself,” DeNucci says. “Once you’ve exchanged names, ask a friendly, open-ended question, such as ‘What brings you to this event today?’ Then, let the conversation flow.”

Display confidence. Networking is hard enough without donning a frumpy suit. DeNucci recommends investing in up-to-date and industry-appropriate hair, makeup, attire, shoes and accessories. “This will boost your confidence in ways you can’t even imagine. Sure, we believe people should judge us based on what’s inside, but the fact remains that our
appearance precedes our personalities and speaks volumes about us.”

Practice. “Know how to respond to the question ‘So, what do you do?’ ” DeNucci says. “Think about how you will answer this question, but don’t go so far as to concoct and memorize a long-winded ‘elevator speech.’ “Other good things to practice include your handshake and looking others in the eye. Learn to say your name slowly and clearly so it’s easier for others to remember, and work on appropriate volume and pace of speech.

Follow up. Finally, don’t just file away an interesting person’s business card. Email is a godsend for introverts. Compose a thoughtful message about how much you enjoyed your conversation and add pertinent tidbits about yourself, your industry or an upcoming event. The receiver—perhaps also an introvert—will be glad you made the first move!

This article originally appeared in the May 2012 issue of The Office Professional and is reposted with their permission. http://theofficeprofessional.com/home

Despite the story you just read about giving too much, too quickly, and without much thought, it’s still far better to be a giver in the networking world. When you give you not only demonstrate a spirit of generosity, abundance, and caring, you also have the potential to build trust and forge strong business relationships. But keep in mind you also have a huge responsibility to give purposefully and thoughtfully and with the intent of creating positive results for all. Your good reputation, your business, and your own ability to attract quality referrals depend on this. 

Your goal is to become something far better and more valuable than another enthusiastic networker…It’s another step toward becoming the person everyone values and is glad they know.

Becoming the person everyone is glad they know.  That’s the secret right there.  It sounds easy, but it takes intention and effort every day.

What have you done today, this week, this month to establish yourself or strengthen your reputation as The Person Everyone is Glad They Know?

Who is someone in your database you are very glad you know — and why? How can you be inspired by this?
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Still haven’t downloaded your FREE chapter from The Intentional Networker?  Righ nowt I’m offering Chapter 4: Focus on Quality – It’s Not About How Many Connections You Have.  It’s a great continuation from today’s post.  Trust me, you’ll be happy you read it. Sign up to receive it in your in-box by clicking here. 

Details matter. Taking small steps over time can be very effective and powerful.  Take things day by day. One step at a time. You can build something up or you can tear something down, little by little, with (or without) knowing it.  It’s the little things that matter. Pay attention to them.

Simple, powerful, timeless messages.

I worked with a coaching client recently who told me he was totally overwhelmed by every aspect of networking. Yet, he not only wanted to do it better, he knew he had to do it better for his business to grow. The logical next step was for us to map out a series of small, easy steps and tweaks he could take. Enough to make progress, but not so much that he felt paralyzed with anxiety about how to get it all done.  Significant change would happen over time, but he didn’t have to feel freaked out about it.  “Little by little” was the theme.  Funny how I needed to hear this message myself today.

What about you? What tiny, incremental steps might you take, whether in your networking, business relationships, reputation management, or even in improving customer service?  Or in any other aspect of your life or business?

Here are a few ideas for your networking efforts:

1. Vow to always have your business cards with you. Always. No matter what.
2. Set intentions before every networking event. Clarify what you want, who you want to meet, what you want to learn, and even how you want to feel. If you don’t know these things, how can you be open to them?  And how can others support you?  Adopting this practice will change your networking forever!
3. Start saying “hello” instead of “hi” or “hey.” Some disagree, but I believe this greeting shows more warmth and polish.
4. Reach out to one person per day. Beyond your necessary interactions. Whether it’s a long lost connection or one you want to build and grow.  It can be an email, a social media message or (dare I say it?) a phone call.
5. Express gratitude to someone each day.  Surely there are things you appreciate about other people, even if it’s the job they do, a kindness they showed you, how they conduct themselves, or their ongoing presence in your life.
6. Vow to listen more than you speak.  People really love to be heard.
7. When feeling overwhelmed, step back and create some small, manageable steps.
8. Read something enlightening or uplifting every day.  Blogs. Books. Articles. You choose. Doing so will educate you,inspire you, improve your outlook, and give you something to share with others. This in turn will make other educated and enlightened people more drawn to you.  And you never know when you will see patterns and messages that will serve as powerful reminders.

Speaking of reading, here are the three blogs I mentioned. Maybe they will resonate with you as they did with me.  Let me know if you see the theme — or if was just me…

Tips, Trends & Tirades by Vickie Sullivan  “Learning From Oprah”

Michael Hyatt’s Blog / Podcast “The Power of Incremental Change”

Todd Schnick / Intrepid Marketing “The Art of Blowing the Deal”

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Neither approach is wrong. However, there are advantages to being more multidimensional and purposeful about it.   Yes, networking is critical to growing our businesses and expanding your career.  But value also comes in forms that transcend dollar signs and stacks of business cards.  Why not be intentional and purposeful as well as open to the possibilities of who you could meet and how you (and they) could benefit from the connection? Why not create the perfect hybrid that is more intentional as well as fulfilling and full of possibilities?

As you set your intentions for networking in this second quarter of 2012 (a quarterly practice I hope you will adopt), take just 5 minutes to come up with a list of categories or objectives that will help you tune your networking radar.

For example, you might be on the lookout for potential:

1. Customers / clients
2. Referral sources / potential affiliates
3. Master-minding or accountability partners
4. Sources of information about something you’re working on, dealing with or concerned about
5. Mentors, role models & ad hoc advisors
6. Navigators (people who’ve experienced a journey you’re just now embarking on)
7. People who know stuff (and people) you don’t
8. Cheerleaders and sources of inspiration
9. Vendors / suppliers / subcontractors
10. Coaches, consultants & experts you may want to hire
11. Potential speakers for your next professional meeting
12. Blogging partners and/ or interview subjects
13. Workout / running / walking partners
14. Fellow parents and dog owners
15. People who simply make you smile, energize you &  bring out your best
16. Potential assistants and interns
17. People who like the same stuff you do
18. People who like different stuff and help you expand your horizons
19. Someone who can babysit or tutor your kids
20. [Fill in the blank(s) ________________________________________

What else are you in search of? How could  a connection make your business or life better, easier, or stronger? What kind of connection might that be and where might you find it?

Who else would you be eager to meet and add to your world?
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Need some networking advice, but on a Ramen Noodle budget? This is a not-to-be-missed bargain:  I have two 30-minute telecoaching sessions left in April for the bargain basement price of just $59.  What could you and I accomplish together over a notepad and a cup of coffee if we put our heads together?  “What can Patti do for me?” you might be asking.  I just met with a client last week who was so impressed with how we reworked her networking strategy she booked sessions with me for the next several months.  She will save money and time and will no longer feel so lost and frustrated when she networks.  How may I serve you?  Contact me today at 512 418 0527 for details.

Why? For starters, the mutual friend who introduced us did so very thoughtfully and strategically, noting that both of us are connectors and consultants who are fascinated with the topics of personal and professional growth and leadership. Not only was it a safe bet to introduce us, it seemed rather necessary. (That’s what I love about great connections.  Sometimes you just can’t NOT make them.)   The benefits we took away from the visit were multi-dimensional and well worth the hour we each invested. And who knows what any future interactions and exchanges will bring.

But I’m not here to gloat. My goal today is to share with you what you can do to make visits and conversations with strangers more comfortable, meaningful, and rewarding. My new friend and I used some of these techniques today.

Patti’s Priceless Conversation Techniques & Topics

1. Ask about the obvious.  My new contact happened to be overseas, which made calculating time zones a little tricky. It seemed easiest to start there, so I asked her what had brought her to her current country of destination. That opened the conversation and led us to the next topic easily.
2. Inquire about the person’s work or business.  A simple “Tell me about what you do” should suffice.
3. Do your homework first, if possible. If you have advance notice of your meeting with said stranger, be sure to visit their website, LinkedIn, Facebook, and Twitter pages (or do a Google search) so you know a little about them. This really helps guide the conversation, and they will be flattered that you took the time to learn about them.
4. Find out what they most enjoy about their work, projects and/or clients.
5. Compare and contrast your work. How are you similar? How are you different?
6. Ask about the books they’ve read and enjoyed lately.  I came away from the conversation with a list of several I can’t wait to buy and dive into.
7. Are there any books you’ve both read? Compare notes on what you thought of them. We spent quite awhile on this topic and had some excellent a-ha’s.
8. Discuss what professional organizations you belong to or what conferences or events you’ve enjoyed lately.  Here we found how our interests, goals, associations, and networks complement each other.
9. As the conversation winds down, ask how you can support the other person or what next steps might be.  We found many ways to stay in touch and help each other.
10. If it feels right, exchange any further information or review any action items or promises you’ve made.
11. If you have parting gift, resource, idea or connection you want to offer, do so.
12. Follow through on 9, 10 and 11 ASAP.

What tips would you add to this list? How have you cultivated great conversations and connections with people you’ve met?
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Sign up / listen in on two high-value conversations about how to be a more Intentional Networker(tm) this week:

Tuesday, March 27 – 6 p.m. CST   Christine Laperriere’s Leader in Motion Radio Show – featuring guest Patti DeNucci  Click here for details.

Wednesday, March 28 – 7 p.m. CST    Lorie Marrero’s Expert Visibility Teleclass – featuring Patti DeNucci  Click here to register.

I’ve created an Intentional Networker™ Telecoaching Deal that makes it easy, convenient, and ridiculously affordable for you to benefit from one-on-one, customized networking coaching with yours truly.  It’s not a podcast, a webinar, or a group call. It’s time with me personally in a format that focuses on you.  What’s more, it won’t eat up your schedule or put your budget in a tail spin.

Here’s the deal: through April 30 I’m offering two 30-minute private telecoaching sessions per week at the discounted price of just $59.

You read it right:  just $59.  That’s less than half my regular fee of $125 for 30 minutes.

Do the math and you’ll see I’m only offering 12 of these spots.  So don’t hem and haw about it too long. When the 12 spots are gone, they’re gone. (And I only have one birthday per year!)

Call or email me right now at 512 418 0527 or Patti[at]IntentionalNetworker[dot]com. Let’s get you on the schedule! The sooner you book your spot, the sooner you’ll start getting more and better results from your networking investment.  (And, yes, I do accept major credit cards.)